Meet Evan's Friends

For Pre-school, we have to make “Emergency Care Kits” every year. They’re to be filled with familiar things that would comfort my child, in case of a natural disaster (as long as the natural disaster doesn’t hinder the teachers from getting out these kits from their storage space).

I take special care in assembling these kits. I, am one of those paranoid people who think that a natural disaster will most certainly affect us. I actually get teary, picturing him upset without me to comfort him, because I’m on the 10^th floor of my burning office building, crushed underneath it, or sinking in a tsunami wave. 

I really want to put something in there that will make him smile.

This past year, I put a several photos of our family, all with stories written on the back about our summer vacations, and about the members of our family. There was also gum, Spider Man tattoos and a small bag of chocolate chips. I also put in a cute bean bag chocolate lab. It was given to him by Colin and I Santa for Christmas 2011. It was so cute sticking out of the top of the stocking! I smuggled it out of the house to put in his kit, and he didn’t even notice it was gone for 8 whole months. Wow. Good thing I gave it to him. He really must love it.

End of the year came, and due to the lack of natural disaster again this year, he got it back and took it to Grandma’s house after school. He LOVED the new stuffed dog in there! Didn’t even remember he had it before! As there were also chocolate chips in his comfort kit, he thought they were food for the dog. So he opened the bag of chocolate chips and “fed” them to the dog.

When he wasn’t looking, Grandma took the chocolate chips away, so it seemed like the dog had actually eaten them. He believed the dog had eaten them.

He comes home and says, “MOMMY MOMMY I have to show you something! Where are the chlocate chips?”. Yes, I do mean “chlocate”. It’s one of those words he doesn’t say correctly but it’s so cute that I don’t want to correct him. Like skabetti for spaghetti or breftast for breakfast.

After a bit of coercion, I got him a few chlocate chips. He fed them to his dog….. waited a minute…. looked under the dog…. and they were still there! He was quite upset. He was coaxing the dog to eat them, but the dog just wouldn't do it (I hadn’t got the memo on the trick Grandma played on him). Nevertheless, the dog’s name became “Chlocate Chip Eater” because he actually did eat chlocate chips.

Cute name, except at 10 pm when he’s screaming “WHERE’S CHLOCATE CHIP EATERRRRRR? I CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT MY CHLOCATE CHIP EATERRRRR!!”

Next up is a cute, fluffy, white dog with brown and black spots. It was given to him by his Auntie, Uncle and cousin the day he was born. It’s gone almost 4 years without a name, but apparently he needs one now. Evan named him, “Peanut Butter Licker”. Or “Peanut Butter Liquor”. I’m not sure which. But I’m hoping it’s the former.

Last up, is the latest one he named. 

He’s on such a roll naming his stuffies, so I decided to ask what his Build-A-Bear frog’s name is (don't do it... don't ask)...

I’m thinking, “Hoppy”, “Ribbit” or something that relates to a frog.

Nope. His name is “Mussaf**k”.

Really? REALLY, Evan? The fist thing that comes to your brain is “Mussaf**k”?

Parents know that if you make a big deal of things, it makes them want to do it again. So I calmly push the name aside without trying to draw any particular attention to it. I suggest a few ones: Mr. Frog. Froggie. Frogger. Hippity. Hoppity. ANYTHING! But he keeps insisting on the name above. That’s going to go over well with the Grandparents.

So if you're ever walking past our house at bedtime and you hear him screaming in his not-so-subtle voice, “I NEED PEANUT BUTTER LIQUOR” or “MUSSAF**K”, don't call social services. He's just missing his friends.