Meet Evan's Friends

For Pre-school, we have to make “Emergency Care Kits” every year. They’re to be filled with familiar things that would comfort my child, in case of a natural disaster (as long as the natural disaster doesn’t hinder the teachers from getting out these kits from their storage space).

I take special care in assembling these kits. I, am one of those paranoid people who think that a natural disaster will most certainly affect us. I actually get teary, picturing him upset without me to comfort him, because I’m on the 10^th floor of my burning office building, crushed underneath it, or sinking in a tsunami wave. 

I really want to put something in there that will make him smile.

This past year, I put a several photos of our family, all with stories written on the back about our summer vacations, and about the members of our family. There was also gum, Spider Man tattoos and a small bag of chocolate chips. I also put in a cute bean bag chocolate lab. It was given to him by Colin and I Santa for Christmas 2011. It was so cute sticking out of the top of the stocking! I smuggled it out of the house to put in his kit, and he didn’t even notice it was gone for 8 whole months. Wow. Good thing I gave it to him. He really must love it.

End of the year came, and due to the lack of natural disaster again this year, he got it back and took it to Grandma’s house after school. He LOVED the new stuffed dog in there! Didn’t even remember he had it before! As there were also chocolate chips in his comfort kit, he thought they were food for the dog. So he opened the bag of chocolate chips and “fed” them to the dog.

When he wasn’t looking, Grandma took the chocolate chips away, so it seemed like the dog had actually eaten them. He believed the dog had eaten them.

He comes home and says, “MOMMY MOMMY I have to show you something! Where are the chlocate chips?”. Yes, I do mean “chlocate”. It’s one of those words he doesn’t say correctly but it’s so cute that I don’t want to correct him. Like skabetti for spaghetti or breftast for breakfast.

After a bit of coercion, I got him a few chlocate chips. He fed them to his dog….. waited a minute…. looked under the dog…. and they were still there! He was quite upset. He was coaxing the dog to eat them, but the dog just wouldn't do it (I hadn’t got the memo on the trick Grandma played on him). Nevertheless, the dog’s name became “Chlocate Chip Eater” because he actually did eat chlocate chips.

Cute name, except at 10 pm when he’s screaming “WHERE’S CHLOCATE CHIP EATERRRRRR? I CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT MY CHLOCATE CHIP EATERRRRR!!”

Next up is a cute, fluffy, white dog with brown and black spots. It was given to him by his Auntie, Uncle and cousin the day he was born. It’s gone almost 4 years without a name, but apparently he needs one now. Evan named him, “Peanut Butter Licker”. Or “Peanut Butter Liquor”. I’m not sure which. But I’m hoping it’s the former.

Last up, is the latest one he named. 

He’s on such a roll naming his stuffies, so I decided to ask what his Build-A-Bear frog’s name is (don't do it... don't ask)...

I’m thinking, “Hoppy”, “Ribbit” or something that relates to a frog.

Nope. His name is “Mussaf**k”.

Really? REALLY, Evan? The fist thing that comes to your brain is “Mussaf**k”?

Parents know that if you make a big deal of things, it makes them want to do it again. So I calmly push the name aside without trying to draw any particular attention to it. I suggest a few ones: Mr. Frog. Froggie. Frogger. Hippity. Hoppity. ANYTHING! But he keeps insisting on the name above. That’s going to go over well with the Grandparents.

So if you're ever walking past our house at bedtime and you hear him screaming in his not-so-subtle voice, “I NEED PEANUT BUTTER LIQUOR” or “MUSSAF**K”, don't call social services. He's just missing his friends.

Say CHEESE!

One thing on our “must do” list when we go to the Oregon Coast is the Tillamook Cheese Factory.

I’m surprised they let us back in.

3 years ago (Nathan was almost 3, Evan was almost 1), we were enjoying ice cream. It must have been Evan’s first one. Because I'm a good mom and would never ever feed him an ice cream cone before he turned one....

We JUST sat down with our four ice creams in the overly crowded ice cream cafeteria. The brain freeze effect apparently numbs the signal the bladder sends to the brain that says, “Get to the bathroom NOW”. Nathan peed EV.RY.WHERE. One of those messes that waterfalls off the chair and forms a nasty puddle on the floor.

[this is the second time I’ve mentioned pee waterfalls on my blog. I must have boys]

Did I mention we were each holding an ice cream cone?

I don’t remember how we wiggled our way out of that intensely embarrassing situation. It did involve a roll of paper towels and me having to hold 4 dripping ice cream cones though.

They let us back in last year and this year, so our slates must be clean.

I like people watching there. You get to observe people on their assembly line job. Woo hoo, sounds FASCINATING! I wonder if they get paid extra for that little perk.

There are 4 basic types of people who work there. I’m sure they jump from one to the other, depending on the day.

My observations:

The 15-Minutes-Of-Fame Employees:

These workers are perma-smiling, waving at the tourists. They like to be on display and in the spotlight. They would be the people who should be in customer service: the ones who wouldn’t rip the faces off annoying customers. They think, “Wow, my job is so important that people take their holiday time to come and watch me!”.  

I like those people. I tried to be a perma-smiler a month or so ago. Within minutes, a friend asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no she asked what the good news was. Apparently I need to smile more.

The Make-The-Most-Of-It employees:

So your job is boring? So what! Lets try and have fun at work anyway. These fun-loving people are joking with each other and ignoring the onlookers.

The Brain-Teleporters:

They are clearly bored out of their tree. These people seem to be able to separate themselves from their task: their hands are feverishly keeping up with the conveyor belt while they stare off into space.

Like me when I’m blogging.

Lastly, the Wrong-Side-Of-The-Bed Employees:

Maybe they don’t find cheese packing fulfilling, or loathe the tourists who are enjoying a holiday while they’re being displayed working in a cheese-coloured fish bowl. Maybe they woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or are just having one of those days.For whatever reason, they are grumpy, and have a perma-scowl. I especially like smiling at these people. [Evil laugh…]

Evan was fascinated at the machines. I have no doubts that he’s going to be an engineer. Even in our own house, he’ll look in cupboards and at our unfinished walls and will show me what pipes the water from the sink travels through on it’s way out of the house. He was staring at the machines with fascination, trying to determine what each one did and how it worked.

It took a long time to pry him away, but I HAD to. I knew what was next…

 

I love cheese. I love free. I love the free cheese samples. I load those toothpicks full, and make sure to grab samples for the kids, knowing full well they won’t want to eat half of them. Sure, cheese causes the body to block up but vacation constipation is never a bad thing ;-)

 

Let’s be honest though. The main reason we go there is for the ice cream. DROOL. There must be 40+ different flavours to choose from. Fruit ones, coffee ones, chocolatey ones. Bubble-gum, cotton candy, pumpkin. Brightly coloured ones, swirled ones, chunky ones, smooth ones (surprisingly, no CHEESE ones). SO many choices, how does one choose??

Know what flavour BOTH my kids chose?

Vanilla.

Are you joking? We drive 597 kilometers for an ice cream cone and you’re having VANILLA?!?!

I almost didn’t let them get it, but white doesn’t stain shirts. Plus, they were already making a scene because I got them a junior cone instead of a whopping 2 scoop cone even bigger than the one Daddy had. They were lucky I even got them a junior one at that point. Any good mom would have denied the ice cream and ate it herself.

Apparently, mom (aka, ME) is always right, because I ended up finishing one of the cones. “Mommy, I’m too full to finish. Can you finish for me?”. [Why I oughta…] 

I am a bit of a germophobe (aka Mysophobe. There. You’ve learned something today). Hand sanitizer is my friend. Interac machines and public toilets are not (that is a blog post all in itself).

However, when it comes to half eaten ice cream cones, my mysophobia goes into remission and I don’t care who has licked it. I’ll finish the sucker off.

As I ate the cone, I also ate my words. The vanilla was a good choice after all.

Pretty in Pink

Have you ever done a math magic trick like this? Come on, do it with me:

Step 1: Think of any number (Except 1).
Step 2: Double the number.
Step 3: Add 9 with result.
Step 4: Subtract 3 from the result.
Step 5: Divide the result by 2.
Step 6: Subtract the number you first chose with the result.

The answer is always 3!! What madness is this??

I have another number magic trick for you. 

It was my birthday yesterday. I made up my own magic trick for you to discover how old I turned.

Play along:

Step 1: Think of how old I LOOK.
Step 2: Multiply the number by 3.
Step 3: Subtract 2 from the result.

The answer is 34!! Every time!

You see, according to strangers and some friends, I have not aged a day since I was 12. You would not BELIEVE how many people ask my age and say, "REALLY?!?!?!? I thought you were 12!!!".

Not eleven, not thirteen, always....ALWAYS....twelve.

The next thing these people say when I look at them with a blank stare is, "you should take it as a compliment!".

Oh, ok [with continued blank stare]. So I should be happy that people who see me with my 5 year old think that I conceived when I was in grade 1?? And I should be flattered when I'm ID'd to...wait for it.... buy GAS??? Fantastic.

Luckily I didn't run into any of those people yesterday, and I had a great day! What really made my day was Nathan. At 5 years old, he told Daddy he wanted to get me 5 things and rattled off this list:

1. Make-Up [nail polish]
2. Necklace
3. Bracelet
4. Flowers [a dozen pink roses]
5. Dress

He went shopping with Grandma and Daddy and got everything on the list above.... all in pink! Apparently he was very specific in the items he chose. Looking through racks and racks until he found exactly what he was looking for. Evan even chose a pink pair of sunglasses for me!

I was so touched by their gifts! It made me feel special beyond words to know that my boys pay that much attention to what I like! Now when Nathan's not looking, I have to alter the pink dress to make it look a little less...frumpy. Even if I never wear it out in public, I'll wear it in the house with pride!